At the age of 26, I got married.
We were both very immature, and I think we were connected only by the "faces" we wanted to show each other. "It'll probably be fine, is this what marriage is like?"As if dreaming, I was drawing out my hopes without seeing the reality of the other person.

However, this suddenly crumbled like a castle made of sand when I was about to give birth.
One after another, I found out things I didn't know, and I couldn't handle this information. At a time when I was about to nurture a new life, I couldn't treat my partner generously.

Caught in my own frame of what I "should" be as a parent, the distance between me and my partner grew, and we became unable to communicate.

For me, "divorce" was the path I most wanted to avoid.
Even thinking about my newborn child, I felt that divorce shouldn't be an option so easily taken. I couldn't face the people who had celebrated our wedding. I thought the only way was to recover and rebuild from here. We can't move forward unless we talk about it, even if it's painful! Naturally, I thought, especially because we had a child. But that wish was not fulfilled.

While changing diapers and breastfeeding in the middle of the night, I felt an overwhelming urge to scream that I couldn't abandon this baby as a parent!

This was the only experience I had before or after that that felt so painful that I vomited.

I didn't want to divorce, but the fact that "dialogue" was no longer possible signified the breakdown of our relationship. The divorce, which I thought I had no choice but to make, was a very heavy and painful choice.

Through my own life events, I became interested in the decision-making of working individuals, so during the pre- and post-natal period, I obtained the GCDF (Global Career Development Facilitator) qualification as a career counselor.

When I returned to work and realized that I had to finally reconsider the way I worked, I attended an outside workshop. The person hosting the meeting was a professional coach, and I had no idea what a coach was at first, so out of curiosity I decided to try coaching from her.

From my own experience of being coached, I began to feel reassured about my choices. While career counseling deals with "careers," living true to one's heart while raising a child and earning money transcends the mere concept of "career" and requires dealing with "life as a whole." This realization prompted me to pursue learning in coaching.

The most impactful part of the coaching course, which led me to decide to become a coach myself, was the "process coaching." Process coaching involves confronting and fully experiencing "emotions one cannot bear" or "feelings one wants to suppress" within oneself to discover deeper desires. In process coaching, I dealt with the messy and untouched parts of myself using intense bodily sensations.

There Are People Who Need Coaching.
From my own experience, I first thought that single mothers are the ones who have this feeling of nowhere to go. They are always anxious yet pretend to be fine. I wanted to tell them, "Open the lid and look at the bottom, you can rise up!" This strong sense of purpose became a driving force for me to move forward.

At the same time, this was also an "inconvenient truth." You can't make a living off coaching alone. Single mothers have a high poverty rate and struggle with money, they can't afford coaching. How can someone juggle work, coaching, and parenting with young children? Even if you become a professional, only a handful can sustain it. I’m a single mother, I can’t afford to fail. So even becoming a professional, starting a business in coaching immediately seemed too risky! These thoughts loudly echoed in my head.

Despite these concerns, while continuing as an employee, I enrolled in an advanced course to obtain a professional coach certification. It was tough, but striving towards the vision I had for myself also built my confidence.
I considered changing jobs to one that would allow side gigs, and I was actively job hunting. I looked at job listings every day, but none of the jobs that interested me allowed side gigs.

One day, a senior colleague from my previous job posted on Facebook asking, "Is there anyone who has studied coaching and can do career counseling?" I was surprised and took action immediately. Even though it meant a lower salary, I thought, "If I can do coaching, I'll try anything!" Flailing about led to synchronicities that brought opportunities my way.

So, What Do I Do From Here!?
Even though I've become a professional coach, it doesn't mean that I have an abundance of clients waiting for me, as one might expect. In terms of obtaining a certification, yes, you can get there by investing time and money.

I knew this, but still, standing before the vast ocean, I found myself facing poignant questions. Where am I headed? What kind of coach do I want to be? That led me to decide to join the "Co-Active Leadership Program." The program was incredibly expensive, and with a small child at home, leaving for a week seemed impossible! I had been ignoring this option and pushing it aside.

Back then, I thought that leaving my son, who was attending kindergarten, with my parents for a week was something a "mother" should not do. I believed that asking my parents for such a favor would be incomprehensible to them, which was my biggest bottleneck.
Once I recognized the feeling of "Absolutely impossible!" strangely, I began to directly confront things I had previously ignored. I wonder why... with a laugh.

On a whim, I mentioned to my parents, "I'd like to attend a training program for a week starting in November..." To my surprise, my mother took out her planner and started checking the dates, asking when to when. "Really!? Is that okay?" I was quite astonished inside. The preconceptions were all creations of my own mind. And so, I decided to go to the leadership program.